Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in sammy13380's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, May 5th, 2005
8:46 pm	Cake clearly does the best version of that song, 'I will survive'. There's just something so rediculas about it, it's just like Ted Leo's version of that Kelly Clarkson song. I can't help but love it really. Fucked up happenings really. I'm not sure how to classify it all. Some of it's really good, some kinda screwed up, but mostly just odd and unexpected. Atleast I got to drive the truck around. There's still something fun about not being able to see the front of the vehicle at all. It's wierd but I'm just really kinda happy, content, whatever you wanna call it. Prom was amazing by the way, probably because I went with a few of my favorite people. The boys looked surprizingly well, though I doubted if Jesse was going to get a tux, and Jessica was amazing. Thanks for dancing with me Jesse, and thanks Dave for letting Jessica dance with me, even though you wheren't happy about it. I'm really glad I went. The night was so great that I ended up not even careing that we didn't do anything afterwards. That and of course I love the Jetta, though I had to behave because I didn't want to scare Jessica. Yep yep yep, I actually did the speed limit the entire time, you all would have been proud. (Comment on this)
Friday, April 1st, 2005
6:39 pm	Smiling again. I'm glad that didn't last too long. Like I said, I'd do it all again. So even if that happend again I wouldn't mind. Such a sweetheart that boy is. I'm glad I know what to feel again. (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 27th, 2005
11:19 am	Not sure how to feel The relationship ended just as it started. It seems strange breaking up when we both still had feelings towards eachother, but we did make much better friends. It's rather amazing actually that two people could get along so well yet make such a terrible couple. Atleast we had some great times. Strange, I'm not sure what I should do now. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 13th, 2005
3:32 pm	Harmless jokes Some people can't takes jokes. Other people can't tell who those people are. I must admitt I am guilty of the latter. But hey, if your not hurting anyone, then why not. If you don't find it funny then just don't laugh, but you shouldn't stick that stick further up your ass, eventually your going to cough it up. Though I'm not sure how that works when you've got your head up there too. When you say goodbye you make it seem like it's for forever. The last time your going to talk to me. However that just spurs my new game. The lets see how uncomfortable I can make you game, complete with sarcasm and fake sincerity. Nothing worse then what you did, except that you aren't being hurt like I was. So in that respect it's better. Besides, what am I supposed to do, talk to you like a mature person would, I tried that and I only got fake sincerity in return. So fuck it, I'm done with you. (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 6th, 2005
12:22 pm	The Wrong Way Bored, home alone, listening to silly music, cleaning and doing laundry. For some reason I've always gotten along well with my dad for the most part, however my mom is completely fucking insane. And I don't mean the usual I don't get along with my mother type thing, she's complelety nuts. I'm pretty sure she cheated on her sanity test actually, because if people knew her like I do, no one would ever see her as not crazy. Her behavior is becoming more and more irrational, she now chain smokes more then before even and she's drinking again. If it was socially that probably wouldn't be so bad, but instead it's alone. Who in the hell drinks alone, that is such a bad sign. Errrr. She's gunna have anouther breakdown of complete and total alcoholism for a month or so, I can tell. I know alot of drunks, and none of them are as bad as her, and she's the only mean drunk I know too. I need more places to go because I really cant stand being here anymore. My mother is so totally useless it's not even funny, nor is it fair to my dad, who's trying really hard to keep everything together. It doesn't look like they're looking towards divorce anymore which is kinda a relief, however now it looks like we'll be moving in the near future. Or atleast they'll be moving cuz I'll probably be gone for college already. I really hope they don't try to follow me cuz they said something about how they like Georgia too. If they do I'm gunna have to change schools cuz I'm not putting up with them once I'm out of here. (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 30th, 2005
4:45 pm	Nothing will ever change and I will always be the same person. That's probably why everyone will always treat me like shit and I'll never make my own friends other then the ones I have now and the ones I have through other people. Will someone just take my side for once and be my friend because of me and not my friends or the shit I do, or have done would be a better way to put it because I'm done fucking around and getting in trouble unless provoked. I need to get out of this place, that's why I'm leaving for school. I did change but no one will ever see that because they all have their heads so tightly stuck up their own asses. Get the fuck off my back and stop playing dumb games with everyone, that shit is getting old and you should all just grow up. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
6:43 pm	Snowy nights and days of stuck forklifts.... Snow is so pretty when it's falling and before it gets all muddy and full of road sand. Last night was so wonderful, playing in a park while it was snowing and just running around untill we where soaking wet and freezing. It was really nice. Too bad we had school, but atleast there was sleeping in for the delay. On the other side, the snow also made work a bit more difficult because we can't go three feet without getting stuck in the ice and slush. But it's still worth it because no one orders things now and we can play in the snow when we've got nothing else to do and even when we do have things to do. Today we played scrable in the office untill toothless timmy got back. I can't remember if I was supposed to do something tonight or not. But even if I had plans I couldn't anyway because I kinda blew off that thing tonight which I didn't want to go to and now I'm gunna get yelled at when everyone else gets back. So they'd be kinda even more pissed if I went out again after I did last night too. Oh well, what are ya gunna do right? That thing sucked last time and I got upset so I'm not going again, I don't care. I've got to call Muffin one of these days cuz we should do something soon, like this weekend or something. I haven't seen him in a long time and it makes me sad. I used to hangout with that kid so much last school year. I wonder if I have his numbers in my new phone. If I don't I could probably see him at work or get them from poco if she's still got them. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 8th, 2005
11:13 pm	Over reacting? I can never tell if I'm over reacting or not. And I don't really have to many normal type people to ask about it. So the best thing to do is try to ignore it and just figure that I'm probably looking too much into it and all. But that just makes me sad because of course it happens again and I go back to thinking the same things. Whatever, it's something I've always done and basically always ignored. Maybe one day I'll ask someone about it. Hey guys, I know none of you read this but if you happen to for whatever reason, then what's going on? Long time no see and all that type of stuff. I'm pretty much bored and lonely cuz I haven't hungout with anyone other then Jesse, who is busy half the time with other people and stuff, and occasionally Brian who thankfully still puts up with me. So nothing much is going on and it'd be nice if I had other friends to be with like other people do. Erft, It's times like these that I remember that all my friends have other friends and for some reason I don't makes friends easily and that's why I don't have many. And it'd be nice if people called me, cuz no one does that and I'm tired of being the one to have to call everyone. I don't hear from people unless I go out and find them. I mean really, I don't think I've gotten a phone call for maybe a month or more without being the one to call them. Except for Jess saying not to call her and Pete once or twice. It's depressing because it's pretty pathetic. I really thought that I was finally starting to get friends who I can do things with but apparently not. It's just annoying cuz all my friends have boyfriends or girlfriends who they spend 24 hours a day with so it's hard to see them when they're constantly busy already but I still am usually doing nothing atleast half the time. All I can say is that Brian is saving my life cuz he usually isn't busy when I'm not doing anything. However while he is saving my mind and social life he's probably killing my lungs even more so because I'm becoming more of a chain smoker when I'm with him. But what are ya gunna do, I don't plan on living long anyway and if I was left alone then I'd probablt go crazier then I already am and jut drive more recklassly then I already did. You would all be so proud of me, all tonight I did the speed limit or less cuz the roads where questionable. I can't break all the promises I make afterall. Cuz I've already decided to ignore one cuz it was shit to begin with and people don't really care about it, however the one to drive well is something that I'm gunna stick with because it means alot more when the person you make the promise to actually does care about your wellbeing, even if it's not even a big thing to them. It still means more then a promise that someone doesn't care in the least about and just made you do it because they don't personally care for it and not out of concern or anything. I hate people with empty motives, when someone promotes something that's good simply because they want to be good and that's it. People should think for themselves and realize that nothing is black and white, rather alot of shades of gray. Dumb assholes. God I hate people, well maybe not hate but instead I have a current feeling of dislike for them anyway. I'm in a mood where I feel like hurting a stranger or breaking something beautiful, I'm probably just jealous. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 1st, 2005
11:07 pm	I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm there for everyone else but when I'm sad or upset about something I'm always alone. The silence is giving me a headache. Always so alone. I'm sorry, I must be a terrible person to deserve this and I'm sorry for whatever I did. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
7:58 pm	Doorsteps Everyone has got to go some day. Because face it, we're not making it out of this alive. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 28th, 2004
7:56 pm	Not sure I'm not sure what to do. I'm in a really bad mood for some reason and I have been for most of the day. Except the middle was fine, it was kinda nice seeing everyone I guess. I wish someone would just hit me in the head with something. I feel like going out and doing something but I don't feel like hanging out with anyone. I'm just irritated and I feel like I'm in that movie, Anger Management. Everyone is trying to piss me off and it's just some big joke that I don't know about yet. But when they're done fucking with me, someone's gunna jump out of a cake and yell surprise. I really am a bit miserable right now and I don't even have a reason. I don't want to go to work tomarrow and do what I wanted to do today then, but I should really go cuz I took off today already. Atleast it'll be warmer, I hate being optimistic because it seems dumb. And horray for not being pregnant for real and only in the eyes of my drunken family. (Comment on this)
Monday, December 20th, 2004
11:40 am	Lets run away, and not tell anyone where we're going. Life's a bitch, and if you're lucky you'll die young, like all the good people do. I'm ready for it, because I refuse to be caught off guard. When I die, I will know full well that it was coming, and it'll be the type of death worthy of bragging. And everyone I leave behind should laugh and say things like, "What a crazy asshole." or "I told her not to do that." How can you really live if you never accept the fact that you could die at any moment and not be afraid of it. Only people who are doing something wrong with their life have a reason to be afraid of dieing. (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 19th, 2004
4:38 pm	Holidays are for the crazies, so lets celebrate! The holidays came so quickly this year. I'm kinda excited, but at the same time I don't want to go to Rhode Island and I want to see all of my friends and just hang out like we usually do. Atleast there's a break from school and even better, work. I'm still not done with christmas shopping, although I thought that I was. I think that I did it in a dream again and then thought that I did it in real life. I hate it when that happens. (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 16th, 2004
4:27 pm	Arrrg, I'm a sociology eating pirate of the jello sea. What is there to say really. Things have been nice. School's gunna finally calm down again with finals over and I can relax. I've felt like I've been living in my car because I've been running all over so much lately. Friends are behaving themselves lately, well as much as they can anyway, it's been nice. And of course Jesse has been keeping me sane, he's probably the only person that is. I'm so tired though, and sore for some reason. My head hurts and I can't seem to concentrate on anything. My face really hurts and my skin is falling off. I really hope I find out what I'm allergic to. I think it's either mold or the dogs. Either way, it looks like someone punched me in the head. Erft, I hate relying on people. People are undependable and flaky. Even the good ones. Maybe even especially the good ones actually it seems. (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 25th, 2004
5:37 pm	amazing I don't know how I'm so happy or how you do it. I didn't think I could be this happy. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 19th, 2004
5:42 pm	Crazy I must be going crazy. On top of the world and now sitting in a puddle of mud. I have to take a shower and try to get warm. It's so cold out, but not really. I don't have to work tomarrow, which is kinda sad actually cuz now I don't have anything to do, but I really don't want to be home. I dislike people sometimes. I suppose I just have a habbit of putting too much into everything. I hope I can have some fun this weekend, I'll be really dissapointed if I don't. I hate coming home to an empty house. Just a random thought. My mom is going in for surgury on tuesday. They're taking out some orange sized thing on her ovary. She's felt like shit more than usual for a long time and I hope this fixes her. A little anyway, I'm not expecting miracles, I know it's alot more than that, but I'd like to think this will help a little. Like maybe she'll be an almost normal type mom who does things like getting out of bed, and not sleeping more than 12 hours. Maybe I'm hopeing for too much. (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 18th, 2004
10:39 pm	Humming a slow tune, walking down the sidewalk. I'm not sure why everyone is so depressed, or atleast not happy lately. I've had my own reasons to be a bit out of it, but for the most part I'm happy. Actually I'm doing really well, in a strange wierd feeling type way. Everything is moving so fast, and yet is seems in slow motion. The world keeps breaking around me, but then it's all okay, and it's fixed. I love how some people can do that, make everything okay again after it all seems so hopeless. It's so cold out but I don't mind. Fall went by so quickly again, it still surprises me every year. I suppose if I live to see 80 it'll still be a shock how winter comes earlier and earlier every year it seems. I feel like driving around with a good friend and talking all night. But it's thursday, a strange night to be out with school tomarrow and all, and I'm so tired anyway. It feels like years since I've slept last, even though it was only less than 12 hours ago. I know how other people feel, missing the past. But I still hate the past anyway, I like this much better. Sometimes it feels as though it was better before and easier. Maybe it was simpler I don't remember. Everything did seem funnier I suppose. We had alot of dumb things that for some reason we found funny. But I wasn't as good friends with ya'll back then. I didn't have many good friends at all back then actually, and I'd miss everyone that I know now. Now I'm involved with things and I have an actual social life of some sort. While it may be pathetic and idiotic it's still really fun. I'm enjoying things now. Sure it may be a bit harder and more complicated I'm still happier and I've actually got more to be happy about now anyway. I know it doesn't matter to anyone else and you where all probably better off back then instead of now, but I kinda like it. You've all got to realize that in a little bit you'll probably be looking back at now thinking 'Wow, those where good times. I wish it was like that again.' Everything is relative. You may think this is the worst it can get, but it can always go further down hill. Things are never as bad as they seem anyways. People can be so dramatic. (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 14th, 2004
5:49 pm	Amazing It's just all been so amazing lately. Like a big dream with no plot and random occurances of things that are so strange and random that they would never really happen. Yet you never realize it's a dream untill you wake up and find that your not really living underneath a desert and that all your friends haven't really turned purple. (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 11th, 2004
9:31 am	Not much to say There isn't much to say really. There wasn't for a while anyway, now I've got a bit. That was a really good concert and a really nice night in general. It was just great. I miss my Pete alot. We where so incompatable though. It just got silly after a certin point. What where we thinking? I really miss him though anyway. School and work are fine. So is home. Princess Peach is finny back and in working order. There isn't anything after that I guess. Except maybe toothpaste makes my orange juice sour. (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 6th, 2004
10:58 am	Short and sweet, to the point I intend. I will never get any credit for everything, let alone, anything that I do. Everyone will always see the bad things, or whatever I forgot to do. That's why I always feel like crap for trying to get everything done, cuz it'll never matter. It'll always be a, "well you didn't do that or this" and a "God sam, I have to do everything". Total shit. I do a good half of everything that gets done, and that's alot if you compare that there's two of them and only one of me. I hate that she's so useless. And I hate him for putting up with it. I wish that I really was 23. It'd just be so much easier. I could do what I'm doing now but without all the other added shit and harrassment. And I wouldn't be here which would be nice I sappose, but I'd still miss everyone too much. Hahaha. Jesse's mom is clearly the best. Strangely good at boarding games, a nice person, and she doesn't yell at me cuz she apparently doesn't mind me for some reason. Last night was kinda nice. It had been a while since I had seen everyone all together. It was calm, quiet, and just kinda pleasant. I sappose it's good to do that some times. Just sit back and watch a movie. It gets old constantly moving. I'm gunna try harder to be a good person. I had thought that I was doing well before but apparently not because I'm an asshole. Atleast I caught myself before I got as bad as everyone else out there. (Comment on this)